Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
