just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
