What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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