i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
