Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
