I like to think it a success when the cops are called
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize