you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
