NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
