dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
