So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
