wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize