You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
