I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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