Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
