I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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