I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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