i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize