What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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