I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
