so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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