Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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