in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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