dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
