Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
