did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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