It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
