I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Your dad touched me again.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You pole danced in your parka.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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