I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
