We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You made out with two different species that night
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
