I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
