o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
