dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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