sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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