I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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