have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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