I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
