So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
