I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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