Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
