the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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