Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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