guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My vagina is officially offended.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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