The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
