just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
