maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
