It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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