ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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