He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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