never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I FOUND THE LEGS
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
