1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
