did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Let's paint friendship bongs
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
