"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
