mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
