i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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