i would punch a child for taco bell
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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