You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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