there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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