She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
