Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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