is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
