Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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