Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize