Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
