everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
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dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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