there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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