Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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