I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
