Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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