ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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