he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
