you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i now understand why vodka
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
