Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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