fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
