The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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