So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize