Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
