I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
