So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
