I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
