She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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