What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Soap is not a condiment
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Randomize
