with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
