I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
