did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
