Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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