you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
