I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
