I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize