if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
