I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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