everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
