yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
